200words.

I only saw her from behind. White high-heeled sandals, tight, tight - can’t even walk in it - denim skirt, T-shirt, hair up, bag slung across her shoulder. Was it designer? Was it designer from TJ Maxx? Or was it a Target imitation? My mind wanders… man or woman? I see her stumble… arm comes out for balance. She recovers, hips swaying back and forth as though she is a runway model. I giggle. How much does she cost? What sorority is she in? Why is she dressed that way for class? All the while she thinks she looks glamorous, and I think she looks cheap. What’s my punishment for thinking these things…? When did I become so shallow? She doesn’t even know I am behind her. To her I don’t even exist. Can I take back all the thoughts that went through my head? She is too far away. Am I cheap?

quick mambo steps forward back:
mostly a matter of simple instruction
vuélvame, retrocede.

the inevitable collision
we spin we spin we spin

my knack for disappointing
rushes back to me now:

my mother chastising hiked up skirts and too much eyeliner
the teacher who watched me get into that monte carlo
nice boys made mean once i’d fucked their friends

this ache is comfortable and my own.
broken down and in and so,
i keep coming back, thirsty.

settled easily into safely cogged spinning,
my hands remember this song and
intuition becomes insulation.
destructive, and predictably so.

but then:

there are moments,
when every floating piece
settles to the bottom,

when i can blink twice and make
things crisp around the edges,

when i figure out this latest dance
hinges on you.

when you get tired of the kids and the wife,
when you need a new place to put your hands,
when your mouth is dry and i become potable,

i am the most willing,
the least expensive
and utterly inconsequential.

you are your own partner.

reality pokes me in the sternum
like an index finger

when i see you looking at her
like she’s something to eat

too.

My uncle is cheap.

He lives in New Mexico in a trailer surrounded by lots of land.

He doesn’t own a telephone and sends handwritten letters, written in a mish-mash of English and Korean and sometimes with small illustrations.

He doesn’t own a television and prefers to listen to his radio, NPR being the only choice.

He has excerpts from Thoreau written and posted on his walls.

The fastest he drives is 57 mph because he says he gets the most mileage.  His Honda is missing a window in the back, replaced with a piece of wood.   

He had my brother visit him for a long weekend. 

My brother said that my uncle lived like a crazy man.

And also, that the way my uncle lived was “so cool”.

Once when my uncle visited us in Ohio my father took him to a BMW dealership.  He test drove a convertible, his “dream car”.

When he went back to New Mexico he bought the same model, paid in full with cash.

On nice days he’ll take the BMW out for a ride, the kids running beside him asking for a ride.  

When he drives that car he feels like a king.

It’s the sound of every catchy melody I’ve ever known squashed together, with the cynicism of the mid-seventies smeared over the top like off-brand peanut butter. Amazing, then, that the sentiment is so direct: “Hey, it’s me again, plain to see again . . . please can I see you every day?” And there’s that low-register guitar line swiped directly from “I Wanna Hold Your Hand,” just like it was intended.

But it really gets cooking at the bridge, where the sadness kicks in: “I remember every word you said.” And then that second bridge, with the strings, building directly to a crescendo that collapses back into the chorus. You’re right, guys — I really didn’t know what I was looking for until I heard [your] voices in my ears.

Man I fucking love Cheap Trick.

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